1. What qualities are you looking for in a future spouse?
    Write them down. Prioritize them. What’s non-negotiable?
  • Question: Do you have those qualities?
    • You attract who you are.
    • Are you who you want to marry?
  • Qualities: Christ = Character, Chemistry, Competency
    • Christ
      • Christ-follower, not just a Christian.
      • Walks by the Spirit… bears the fruit of the Spirit.
      • Known for serving, not sitting.
    • Character
      • Attraction should be built upon character.
      • You get married at the height of your physical beauty… but from that moment on, it’s downhill.
  • How should you pick your future spouse?
    • You should pick a mate by running as fast as you can to Jesus Christ; then look to your right and left to see who’s in the race with you.
  • What happens when you don’t run the race together?
    • The moment you quit growing is the moment you become boring.
    • The moment you become boring is the moment your spouse becomes disinterested.
    • The moment you are disinterested is the moment someone else becomes interesting.
  1. What are the three essentials of dating?
  • Stewardship
    • What does one’s use of time, talent, and money reveal?
    • What does one’s use of words reveal?
  • Friendship
    • Your friends help determine the direction and quality of your life.
    • You are the composite average of your five closest friends.
  • Restraint
    • Are you willing to deny yourself for a greater desire?
    • Sex is meant to be the celebration of commitment.
      • Commitment is necessary for true intimacy.
      • Sex before commitment cheats and compromises everything.
  • Commitment should look like this:
    • Faith: It’s the Foundation
    • Friendship: Maintain Focus
    • Financial: Stewardship, not Ownership
    • Flexible: Seasons of Life and Adversity
    • Fun: My other F-word wasn’t appropriate!
  • Commitment should not look like this:
    • Fun: My other F-word wasn’t appropriate!
    • Financial: Stewardship, not Ownership
    • Friendship: Maintain Focus
    • Flexible: Seasons of Life and Adversity
    • Faith: It’s the Foundation
  • If sex comes before commitment, then you look at everything else through the artificial lens of commitment. It looks like commitment, it feels like commitment, but it isn’t true commitment.
    • It’s the biblical picture of the foxes eating the rose buds before the roses ever have the opportunity to blossom.
    • Song of Solomon 2:15 (see also 2:7 and 3:5).
      “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”
  1. What are 4 things every man must do to lead well?
  • Lead… don’t be passive.
  • Learn… don’t know it all.
  • Listen… don’t be impatient.
  • Love… don’t be selfish.
    • Love is patient // Love is kind
    • Love rejoices with the truth
    • Love bears all things // Love believes all things
    • Love hopes all things // Love endures all things
    • Love never ends
  • Love does not envy
  • Love does not boast
  • Love is not arrogant
  • Love is not rude
  • Love does not insist on its own way
  • Love is not irritable
  • Love is not resentful
  • Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing
  1. How does Christ-like, servant leadership influence a woman?
  • Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me.” (Song of Solomon 1:6)
  • I am a rose of Sharon, the lily of the valleys.” (Song of Solomon 2:1)
  • What was the difference?
    • Solomon’s love and leadership.
  1. Questions that must be answered:
  • Does your future spouse cause you to suffer spiritually or succeed spiritually?
  • Are your future spouse’s weaknesses safe and manageable or are they dangerous and difficult to manage?
  • Is your conflict healthy (safety zone) or unhealthy (danger zone)?
  • In this love story, who is the leader (Ephesians 5:21-33)?

 

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